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IT'S YOUR STORY
Parents of Angel (Written By Ashley McKinnie King)
In honor of #PregnancyAndInfantLossRemembranceDay yesterday...
On August 22nd and at 10 weeks pregnant, James (on FaceTime), Junior and I got the worst news ever at my checkup. Baby King didn’t have a heartbeat. I can’t even begin to explain what this felt like. Devastated. Heartbroken. Angry. Trying to understand why and how. In total disbelief and thinking “God, really?!?” Feeling like my heart had been snatched out of my body. However that still doesn’t convey 10% of what we felt. While Junior didn’t understand I’ll never forget him sitting with me (until they took him to give us time) asking what was wrong as we cried.
Let me just add... We found out we were pregnant the day before my birthday. Talk about best birthday gift ever! Then to find out our earthly blessing whom we were to love, teach and protect is now our heavenly angel and watching over us... TOUGH.
We chose to have a natural miscarriage. This was very important to me since I had to have a c-section with Junior (he was breached). That experience alone made me feel robbed of being a woman and left me feeling as if my body was incapable. So thankful for James support with this. There’s also a testimony we got from this experience on how God showed up right on time.
It took us six weeks to have the miscarriage. In this time my stomach continued to grow. I tried hard to cover it for the most part to avoid any questions. It all began on October 2nd and on October 3rd I found myself in the ER for a pain even morpheme couldn’t kick. However, being able to start dealing with the emotional before the physical became a blessing.
So throughout these past eight weeks we’ve learned (and are still learning) how to navigate through such a traumatic experience. At any moment the thought can arise and our moods change, we cry and grow silent on the phone. I went through the phase of blaming myself and wondering what I could’ve done to prevent us from going through this. Not wanting to really be around people and not wanting Junior out my sight while enjoying each moment we shared even more. Meanwhile, James was (and still is) hitting the stage almost nightly while having to perform as if he didn’t have a care in this world.
I remember telling James if it wasn’t for my faith in God, I don’t think I’d be able to make it through this or want to for that matter. Yet, we knew we needed and still need God’s help in order to function daily. We were weak and desperate for his strength and peace. Also to be reminded we too still have purpose.
It was important for us to be there for each other and to ensure Junior didn’t feel any disruption from what we were facing. It isn’t easy that’s for sure. However we are just two people believing that even in such a storm like this you can make it through. On top of that we are still trusting God that in His timing our family will grow. While we hesitated sharing we believe our now testimony can be an encouragement to someone else to not give up.
Thank you to the few family/friends who knew and prayed for and checked on us ❤️ Even though they won’t see this so much love to our Co-Pastor and my gynecologist.
PS... I’ve written this tons of times with hopes to shorten it. Therefore I couldn’t say and mention everything that comes along with this experience.